Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize