Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
