just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I will be naked everywhere
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize