I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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