I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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