Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
