We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
