A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
what the fuck happened to the tacos
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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