Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
