dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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