The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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