Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize