If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
