He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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