After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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