turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
