I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She bit a glass in half.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
