I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
