You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
