Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
