So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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