i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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