Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
