Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
