Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
