just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
