Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
