im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
