Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize