and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
