Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
