he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
