if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
