No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
