Im at strip club and am horny
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
