You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
