Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
