Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
