So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
