For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
