wat bout pragnant strippers??
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
