I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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