Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it glows. i had to have it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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