Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
