Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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