So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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