My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
