Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
where are you?
Hypothermia
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
