great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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