this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
