We need to rekindle our bromance
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
