Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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