I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Barsexuality is the new black.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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