I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
