mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
