I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
