i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
