i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
