i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
