How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
