You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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