you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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