things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
