My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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