This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
