Do you still have your period?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
