and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
