and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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