I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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