There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
