im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
