After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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