There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
