Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
