I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
