Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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