How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize