haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
