I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
