im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
