Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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