She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
