I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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