There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and she was petting her beer can
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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