On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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