dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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