Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
