I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
should my penis look like a turkey
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
