a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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