Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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