I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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