Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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