i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
