Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
