A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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