Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
