somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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