He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
