return my video game
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
