Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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