dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
