I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
