Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
