I think im going to throw up on grandma
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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